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Dates disabled this topic is called
"A desire"

It's a snowy winters day and I'm cozy and computational. Months have passed since being here. Since being net bound. I am rearranging my media; rearranging my mind. Bouncing throughout the house in forms of different work and task. Ideas and thoughts bounce off the warm walls and the cat is chasing mice.
Comments (4)

Dates disabled this topic is called
"burningman"

In 2009 James traveled from New York to Nevada to spend time with a few thousand people in the desert.

Will 2011 bare the same outcome?
Comments (11)

Dates disabled this topic is called
"bellobirthdayboy"

I am now 28; slightly matured. There may come a time when you see things for what they are; make sure things are what they should be. Things aren't always what they seem to be so seemingly divulge in your triumphs and learn from your failures. Give 100% where it's needed. Just don't spread yourself thinly. Mmmmk?
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Dates disabled this topic is called
""

So. Thanks giving has come and gone yet again. I'm only 27; I've noticed the amount of people sitting at the table has deceased dramatically over the last 10 years. I wish it hadn't, but this is the natural course of things. To not accept this would be to not accept mortality. This morning i held a slingshot that my grandfather and I had made roughly 15 years ago from a stick, twine, leather and a piece of old bike tire. "I will follow you into the dark" by Death Cab for Cutie just came on Pandora. Perfect timing for nostalgia and lost love.
I am so grateful to be alive; to be healthy. Don't lose sight of what we call love.
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Dates disabled this topic is called
""

With so many distractions, where does one entrust his attention?
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Dates disabled this topic is called
"who knows"

I came here to possibly write something profound, but I have nothing. As I type, I laugh to myself. There are a lot of things I find enjoyable in life. One of them is coffee. I just took a sip of coffee. Another. Yet another. I'm not going to continue this narrative.

The enter key on this keyboard sticks. When I sat down there were 51 individual Firefox windows open. Apparently some lack simple problem solving skills. I owe mine to Transformers toys, I think. Possibly my mediocre thought process. If I think of myself as mediocre, what does that make other people? What the fuck am I talking about?

Today, at work, I laid at the top of a flight of stone stairs we (Patrick Jansen) built. Out of no where I started talking to myself; playing out hypothetical scenes in my head. I looked to the ceiling, which is the roof, which is a sheet of rip stop plastic, and saw what looked to be the act of breathing. There was zero motion. My mind made it move. I have these a lot. I don't know whether they are flashbacks from some sweet drugs I've taken or (?).

Over the years I've searched for jeans that suit me; the way jeans should. I accidentally, and I don't know how, came across vintage Levi's. Yes. 1972 Levi 646 bell bottoms. I bought what was, in my belief, a pair with a 32 waist. Unfortunately they are actually a 34 waist. No matter. I have a sewing machine and made good use of it. The waist doesn't fit the way I'd like, but what the hell. The more I wear them, the more comfortable I feel. The real issue I'm trying to address here is natural jean fade. You can't fucking fake it with some bleach and a square of sand paper. No one should make fake whiskers. I hereby deem it illegal to alter jeans in an inhumane way. Buy a real pair of old pants! Ebay is cheap. If you don't have enough money to spare, sell your old "crap." Don't slack on jeans!

Don't slack on life!
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Dates disabled this topic is called
"Ice cream"

I've recently found out that I'm a huge fan of vanilla ice cream with an espresso topping. It's absolutely delicious. I can't think of a better desert. Good, good, good.
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Dates disabled this topic is called
"Discovery Channel"



I knew there was a better use for a television.
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Dates disabled this topic is called
"life in general"

If you come from where I come from, which isn't that far from flying over the kuckoos nest, you would know that life is one big lemon tree. Lucky for me, I like lemonade.
Yesterday, on ebay, or was it the day before? I listed a leather jacket that for some reason I bought with the intentions of wearing. You would have to see this thing. So I listed it on ebay and I got a message from what seems to be a young lady asking me if she can pay with cash after she sells a few things at a yard sale. We sent a couple messages back and forth. I surprise myself sometimes and will come out with something slightly profound. Here's the entire conversation back and forth:

Rox: Hi, I don't like to use my paypal, would you accept cash carefully packaged? Also ship parcel post to 47324? Thank you

me: Sure. I'll take cash. I'm new to this and I'm not familiar with parcel post 47324. Can you tell me? Thanks.
-James
(DERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!)

Rox: Well that's my zip code for here and I think it goes by weight, There's a direction chart the post office has to explain how it works, they'll help you too if you tell them what you're doin', I love your lil' jacket and I know it would fit me perfect. I have so many coats but not like this one, and I've been looking a while on ebay for one I really like. I'm putting the cart before the horse tho cause I'm having a yard sale this coming week, what I make from it I was gonna hopefully get your coat and a couple other things someone else will get the bid tho, that's what always happens when I really, really want something. Thank you for emailing me back I have your coat on my watch list. A real nice lagy is holding a pair of boots for me till I get the loot at my sale! She's pretty awsome huh? If I can help you at all just email me, I'll sure try. Best of luck with your store!!!!!!!! Roxanne

me: I'll stop the auction. The jacket'll be waiting for you, Roxanne. ;)

Rox: Oh, that's the sweetest thing I ever had someone want to do for me! That's not fare tho, you paid listing fee and all, you did this to make money not loose it. I want it bad but not at your expense. If you really want to do that, find out what your listing for it was and I'll pay that when I buy it. How would that be?Let me know okay? Thank you so much Roxanne

me: The listing fee was 50 cents. I'm not worried about the money. There's not much we can control in life, but if we can have the jackets we want, life feels a little sweeter. You took the time and effort, you really want the jacket. I feel like you deserve it.

Rox: You are an absolute Doll!!!!!!!!!!!!!! as soon as I have the loot in my hands so will you ASAP Thanks A Million Roxanne


Really made me feel good to make someone else happy that I don't even know. She also appretiated a simple act of kindness.
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Dates disabled this topic is called
"stoneworks"

I have to tell (you). Working with stone is completely amazing. It's an amazing feat to power through any given day with the sun shining down from above. Being able to find your calling in life; I'll never forget this feeling. A nice shower after the work day is quite amazing; seeing your work efforts wash down the drain. I don't think I'll do any other line of work as long as I'm able to lift heavy stones.
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Dates disabled this topic is called
"nev eve hav any say"

Here I am; a walking arsenal of criticism. A brash young man at times. I often forget about.. no that's not right. I often ignore the world around me; the feelings of others mainly. Mostly I don't want anything to do with anyone. I just want to cruise on by comfortably without any invocation.
This weekend I had sort of a revelation. I did what I never do. Going to a bar, to me, is like giving up. It took a lot for me to give in and suck it up. A tremendous amount of courage. And you know.. It wasn't that bad. Luckily that night, a show had been booked. A bunch of old mates came down to Hudson town, from Albany, to play their symphonic free-form expression. Good times.
Despite having a migrane all day long, after having a few drinks, the night was golden and harmonious. Never have I experienced such a great night out on the town.
I hoped to feel this way in the morning. It feels healthy. A little scattered as usual, but definitely healthy. Maybe I'll sustain these feelings. I can only hope.

The Dandy Warhols
are releasing a new album a stray from Capital Records. A d-i-y endeavor to be released on their very own label!
Comments (4)

Dates disabled this topic is called
"\\\\\\\\\\"

I'm not sure.
I'm not sure, but I have an idea.
I'm not sure, but I have a great understanding.
I'm not sure, but I lack.
I'm not sure.
Comments (6)

Dates disabled this topic is called
"writing"

It feels like my stomach passed through my esophogus. My hands are palm down in the grass, knees still on pavement with small pebbles between them and the ground. Sweat is dotted on my face, tears are caught in my eyelashes and best of all; mucus. oh lovely mucus is stringing from my nose to my hand, then to my mouth. My chest is caving in. A few slices down each wrist sounds great for a moment as superb as such. Blood pouring throught eight inch criss-crossing gashes. I smile. Chunks of beef mixed with beer come rolling up; rolling onto the lawn. I wonder if these ants will stay alive being smothered by this vomit. Would they eat the vomit? Does alcohol effect ants? It's almost like they're having their very own barbeque. If they live through this avalanche of human flaws they certainly won't go hungry. Hamburgers drenched in beer and stomach acid. Poor fucking ants. Hamburgers and beer; poor fucking me.
Comments (10)

Dates disabled this topic is called
"LIVING ON THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR SKIN"

Life goes on; a progression of denial mixed with hope. I often find myself back a square one: Demanding results after failure upon failure of attempts. It seems as though half of what I say seems to be rugged thought and the other half refined. I believe that once I close the gap between thought and thought instinct I will be able to be true to myself. My existence is floating; it seems.



Here's a great image of a black hole by an unknown atrist. Right click & save 1.2MB
Comments (4)

Dates disabled this topic is called
"Cross Country"

On December 15th of 2007 I hopped on a plane and flew to Seattle Washington with one layover in Cincinnati. I had changed my flight to a Saturday instead of Sunday the 16th to beat the weather, which I did. I ended up flying 1st class. I didn't realize until almost reaching Seattle.. The girl in the seat next to mine found it amusing. Upon reaching Seattle I was picked up by my chauffeur and escorted to Oak Harbor, an island town/naval base where high school friend Dave Becker awaited me with a few drinks and a few hands of Black Jack. There were a few nights of old fashioned card playing that I was ecstatic to be a part.
The day to leave finally came. We had been waiting on a few car parts to be shipped to the car dealership, where Dave had bought his 2002 Jetta, and be installed. Wednesday the 19th at approximately 6:00 we departed from the dealership and set out east-bound. Not knowing exactly where we'd end up or however long we'd be driving. Approximately 20 hours later we find ourselves in Denver Colorado at a Holiday Inn.

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I have to ready myself for a ride to see a movie; Aliens vs. Predator!
I'll continue this story at a later date.
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Comments (10)

Dates disabled this topic is called
"crocs"





The first time i saw a pair of these shoes on someone I remember thinking "ugh.. how horrendous." I hated on em' for a long while until I started working with my "employer" doing stone masonry. I remember wearing converse to work and my feet were sweating to high hell. Dirt and tiny pebbles kept finding their way into my shoes. Irritating enough to stop working and clean out your shoes! My "employer" and I had a long discussion about all the benefits and perks of wearing crocs. They were all true.

If you like the outdoors; crocs are definitely decent all around shoes for spring and summer.

$29.99 +
Comments (11)

Dates disabled this topic is called
"working"

Working doing physical labor is one of the most fulfilling feelings I have ever felt. There's something about stressing your body to complete a given task, making a living this way, that completes me.
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Dates disabled this topic is called
""

One great thing about the summer is the sun. Catching sun rays on your skin is probably one of the greatest things ever. I don't even care if it is too much! Every time I expose my skin to the sun which isn't over-exposing myself too much. Just enough to make my skin peel. For the past few years, I've stayed inside all summer long and have been a pasty white "computer nerd."

I simply recommend sun bathing with sun block at least a few times this summer. You won't regret it!
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Dates disabled this topic is called
""

stay the one to be deserved or pray and be misled or a damsel in distrust either way we must be demanding and high tension will crucify don't be one to say you'll go where the haunted flowers grow passion is a steady leap onto the bows of tilted trees leave the canvas hesitant to still the night in circumvent cut the seams at another level to only know would mean so much hesitate one thousand miles to open arms of open minds on crowded thoughts of superficial lakes of demand stream the tempest of co-ordinates roll to become the hero virtue so and sought which feat was never fought along the bends of corridors we're brought in high elasticity I can believe we've been focused to meet a partial destiny upon who-so-upon was once his-self is now oneself and fully lost into these depths of focused fear reaching out reaching onward fear will frown and hope will sound a beautiful melody of lost parades becoming ever-so-present become fear and decay likeness wields a light

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James Zadubara
Comments (11)

All things James Zadubara 2007 - 2011; except a few photographs.